Why Do You Ask?

One of the questions I dread getting most contains these five words – “What are you doing tonight?”

Why should that bother me? It’s a perfectly innocuous question. But it’s a loaded one at the same time.

My first response is, “Why?” That’s because the asker is leaving you very few options. The asker either needs your help with something you might not be interested in, or to attend a function that may not be up your alley.

So you have two options. You can ask, “Why?” right off the bat, which gives you some leeway in dissembling should you not have any urge to sit through a three-hour dance recital of children you don’t know just to keep a friend company. But it also makes you sound like a suspicious grump.

That’s okay, I can live with being a suspicious grump. Because your other option is to say “Nothing, why?” and then have to be bluntly honest when you’re asked to volunteer/attend/do whatever. “I’m not interested,” has come out of my mouth more than once during this ambush, leaving me feeling bad for being blunt and shooting down my friend’s proposal, when I could have spared their feelings or politely gotten out of said obligation by claiming a prior engagement.

If you don’t think fast, of course, next thing you know, you’re standing on the sidelines of a half-marathon, in the rain, handing out little cups of water and soaked to the bone when you’d rather be home under a warm blanket drinking raspberry tea and reading a good book.

You could always lie right off the bat, of course. “I’m meeting up with a friend,” is a safe one, but what if the proposal is something that DOES interest you? Now you’ve locked yourself out of doing this thing, and really all you’re going to do is sit at home and watch reruns of “Bones.”

You could also be wildly creative to buy yourself some time. "I'm taking the chickens to the cinema to see 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'. They all want to know if they can go back to the egg." Or, "Aunt Mabel's socks need washing again in vinegar and pomegranate juice, so I've got my work cut out for me." Or, "Hey, the last time somebody asked me to jump out of a plane wearing a tutu, I had to say no."

Hopefully the asker will be so busy chuckling or looking puzzled that you can insert a merry, "What's up?" and get the information you need without committing yourself.

The better approach is this: “I’m doing a fundraising walk on such-and-such a date. Would you be interested in joining me?” That gives you, the respondent, the option to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t make it.” So next time you feel the urge to tackle a friend with, “What are you doing tonight?” resist – or don’t be surprised if the answer has something to do with chickens and tutus.