Trading In This Body for a New One

If only that were possible. I would sign up right away.

This morning when I got up my old vertigo kicked in. It's very mild, comparitively speaking, but it does make for some unpleasantness (not to mention drunken walking) until the allergy pill and/or the Dramamine can kick in.

Docs have said it's likely an allergy thing. But it hasn't bothered me in a couple of years. And look, here it is again.

Not to mention the dodgy tum you've all heard me gripe about, and a few other annoying but hardly life-threatening problems.

Now, if I trade this body in for a new one, I'd like it to be taller and thinner, please. And more athletic if you can swing it. Thx.

How I'm Going To Handle the Writers' Strike

I have a plan. A real plan for surviving all the reruns that come with the holiday season and that could stretch out before us afterward, if the writers strike goes on forever. Yeah, and I like lists. And before you say it, of course I can read and do other things. I already do a lot of things while the TV is on. (Don't remind me of the craft projects I haven't finished!! Or my Christmas shopping. Or the dishes that need doing.) I'm just talking about my viewing.

1. I'll catch up on all the new episodes of my favorite shows, as they air. Pretty basic, and makes sense. Why not see what there is to see new while it's out there? Some shows are holding onto new episodes to air in mid-December or early January, even though they've already been filmed. That makes it all seem less dire. Plus I always tape a lot of stuff I haven't had time to watch yet, so I can catch up on those shows and at least one other tape of horse racing from this spring that I haven't watched yet. (If I had a DVD burner, I would spend a lot of my time transferring horse races to DVD. A girl can dream about her Christmas present under the tree, right?)

2. TV shows on DVD, of course. I have a season and a half of The 4400 on DVD to watch and return to a friend, and as far as I'm aware, there's at least one other season of that show on DVD that I can rent. Plus I have a ton of shows on DVD that I love and could easily rewatch - Buffy, Angel, X-Files, and a few other goodies - Firefly, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddie. Plus, I've been rewatching S2 of Supernatural on tape and listening to the accompanying podcasts.

3. TV shows online. I just realized that part of the second half of S3 of Battlestar Galactica is still online. Sure, I'd rather watch them all and in order, but if it comes down to it, I can easily fill in the blanks later when reruns air. Might as well know most of what's going on so that when S4 starts, I'm at least mostly up to speed. I DON'T plan to download episodes from I-Tunes; no point in paying for what's going to air eventually on TV anyway. Plus, well, I'm cheap.

4. Catch reruns of shows that are new to me. Everybody raves about 'Pushing Daisies' - if I know that it's going into reruns (as opposed to being replaced by reality TV) I'm considering watching it. There are probably other shows floating around out there that are just as worthy of watching.

5. Cable, baby. Reruns of Mythbusters, Dirty Jobs, Cold Case Files, Forensic Files, and those shows that I am still catching up on, like The 4400. There's a whole lot out there worth watching that I just haven't had time to see. Plus I can always watch old CSIs, guilty pleasures like World's Wildest Police Videos, you name it. In the summer I watch a lot of educational programming - I've probably seen every program on Egypt that's out there - and I can always do that now instead.

6. There are always movies. I'm not a big movie watcher anymore, but I can always, if need be, find a film or two I haven't seen that I'm interested in. I can rent 'em, borrow 'em or watch 'em on Turner Classic Movies.

So which of my shows might not survive the strike, in terms of my viewing? I think the writers and the shows are kind of shooting themselves in the foot. If I get out of the habit of watching a show, I'm going to have to want to get back into the habit. Bionic Woman is the show most at risk of being ditched. It's been inconsistent and I just don't care about the characters like I should. I've been watching it for BSG alums, mostly. I half-watch CSI:NY, mostly on On Demand and for the scenery.

I already ditched Prison Break this season - I just felt like with Sarah's death, it jumped the proverbial shark. I ditched CSI: Miami from last season - too many holey plots, and if I start picking apart your plot, you've got gaps.

Of course, then I'm worried about the shows that I love that might not survive the strike if it goes far too long, in terms of cancellation. Supernatural is the most likely one; it's barely hanging on as it was, and the CW has been messing with it pretty hard. I'd be peeved if I lost Reaper or Chuck too; I think Chuck's safe, but Reaper tends to be kind of repetitive. Moonlight could also suffer, but I'm not emotionally invested in this show, really. It's fun, but not appointment TV.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have one last tape of GhostHunters to watch...while I darn my socks.

Luv Dat Kitteh

I could be accomplishing something. I could be doing laundry, or dishes, or listening to one of my many stored up podcasts.

No, I'm looking at pictures of cute cats with goofy captions.

http://icanhascheezburger.com

I'm still laughing at the shot of the bushbaby with the hand behind it. Those big eyes! Yeah, it's not just cats - a few dogs and other animals too. There's a great elephant shot.

Seriously cool timewaster for work.

Must goe back too kittehs...

Weep

That sound you hear? Me weeping.

It's actually SNOWING outside.

*sob*

Maybe You Shouldn't Meet Them...

I make a lousy fangirl. I've been aware of that for some time now. I do not like to meet famous people (especially those who are my age or younger) under the guise of being a 'fan'. I prefer to do it as a journalist or as a businessperson.

Some of the gals I know from the blog went to a convention in Chicago this past weekend where they met some of the people from the show we all watch together. And some of the gals were disappointed that one of the guys seemed standoffish, while others reported he hadn't been feeling well so he wasn't his usual self, while others said he's generally shy so this whole setup tends to be uncomfortable for him.

A digression that ties in: my mom is a huge race car fan. There was an opportunity to meet her favorite driver, and she didn't go. I asked her why. The gist of her response was basically, what if I didn't like him as a person?

That's stuck with me. Why meet them, in the fan perspective, if it turns out they're not going to be very nice? I mean, sure, it's the risk you take when you meet anybody, and I would never say somebody shouldn't meet someone they've long looked forward to meeting. (I drove to Kentucky to meet a horse. Yes, really. But there, the emotional stakes are much smaller. Cigar came to his stall door when I called to him, but I bet he was really hoping I had a peppermint. I didn't take that personally.) I also get that meeting fans can be tiring and stressful, and if you have a bad day it can have repercussions. I get that these guys don't have to go to these conventions. They can take the day off.

So what happens if you're disappointed? Even more so, what happens if you're disappointed and have the opportunity to share it with other fans? I mean, I guess I'd definitely say so if I met somebody famous and he or she was really rude. But does it end up coloring what other people end up thinking about this famous person? Sure.

I guess I'm of the state of mind that if someone is really famous, it would depend on how much it matters to me that they're really nice, and it would also matter HOW I'm meeting them. If they come to my office, I'm in a professional setting, and I feel a little more confident than if I'm going to a convention, where I'm obviously a fan. Interviews are another setting where I have some measure of confidence. I once interviewed Robert Goulet, who was really nice, and I also interviewed Lions running back TJ Duckett and was impressed with his professionalism, especially toward a female interviewer. Then again, I interviewed two Tigers pitchers who obviously thought I was a lightweight, but when I went over to talk to Robert Fick (when he was with the team) he was really nice.

Of course, I had no emotional stake in whether these guys were cool or not, but it was a bonus that they all were.

It also depends on who that person is, too. I'm a lot less likely to meet a matinee idol than I am a jockey, for example - the fan base is smaller and more specialized, and I have never been good with the person I'm meeting thinking, "she must think I'm hot." Or something along that line.

All of that said, I'm glad I didn't go to the convention, even though everybody who went reported having a good time. That makes it easier for me to enjoy the characters and not have a memory of how the actor was, or of how he was supposed to be.

Random Mutterings

I realize someone is going to read the previous post and think they were smothering me. They aren't. The person by whom I felt smothered doesn't even know this blog exists, and so I don't want anyone to feel bad. Trust me, it's not you. It's not even a full smothering. Just a little short of breath. ;-)

And I'm a loner really, in most ways, so it's easy for me to feel a little overwhelmed by people. It takes me such a long time to get to a comfortable place with people - to trust them or want to hang out with them - so I'm a lot of work to be around. I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that that is me, and I'm not weird, and I'm not crazy. I just am who I am.

I'm still chatting with the blog girls, but the drama comes and goes with the changing characters. Unfortunately, the powers that be are messing with my show something fierce - adding two chick characters who are DREADFUL. I really wish Supernatural wasn't on the CW - of course maybe it would have been cancelled by now, BUT it wouldn't be turning into One Tree Hill With Ghosts. Plus they stopped playing classic rock music. I have GOT to find an email address in order to bitch them out something fierce.

I mean, really. If you want to add tough female characters, you just call me and I'll write them for you. My heroine is a verbal badass, although physically not so much. She's getting there, but she can be cheeky with the best of them. I would have written much better characters than what we're getting.

I'm not sure how one human being can have so much STUFF. I tried to clean out my closet, but I wasn't in the right purge mood. Do you know what I mean? I have to be in that right mood to actually go through the closet and get rid of stuff, and I just wasn't there today. I'll have to wait until I get to that place to part with some clothes.

My secret is this - I don't buy any more hangers. And when I run out of hangers, I know it's time to go through the closet and get rid of some stuff. It works, mostly.

Learning Something

The last few weeks have been nothing but crazy! My brother got married and I was in the wedding, two couples I know have broken up, one is getting engaged, and one of my coworkers wants to come over and hang out. So for a while there I was feeling really overwhelmed with everything.

I'm one of those people who knows they're selfish. I know I am. I think it's because I'm in a place where I feel like I'm close to a lot of people, but not the closest person to any of them. So how do I explain this without sounding like I'm feeling sorry for myself? (Which I'm not.) Most of my friends and family members are married and/or have kids, and when the chips are down, those are the people they think of first - and they should! So I've developed a sense of looking out for myself, and often that manifests as selfishness. That, and in the past I used to bend over backwards to make people like me, and as I got older, I got sick of doing that, so I'm a lot more solitary than I used to be, and even more independent than I was growing up.

So when I started feeling just overwhelmed with everything that was going on, I heard me asking myself, "Should I feel this way?" And answering, "No, these people need you and you want to be needed, and so you shouldn't feel this way. You shouldn't be selfish and think about yourself right now. You should be a good friend/family member."

Well, the problem is, I kept feeling that way. And finally it occurred to me: it doesn't matter if it's right or wrong that I feel this way, the fact is, I FEEL THIS WAY. And I have to operate from that assumption, instead of pretending that how I feel must be wrong. Because I was ignoring that I was feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, even a little smothered, and I started feeling really tense and tightly wound. But if I'm not feeling like myself, how can I be a good friend to somebody else?

Let me emphasize, nobody is doing anything wrong. I was honored to be part of the wedding, and I WANT to be a good listener/friend to those people going through breakups to do what I can to help, and be there for the person now planning her wedding. It's not fair for me to lean on these folks and then disappear when they need me. It's just that it happened all at once, and the holidays are coming, and I was getting behind on my preparations. My house was a mess, on top of everything, and that always makes me tense. And I will have been in three weddings in less than a year. Which makes me feel incredibly loved and cared for, and yeah, a little stressed, but that comes with the territory. :-)

So I just said to myself, "Take this weekend and just do what you got to do." So I did. And I turned down some opportunities to get together with friends, and at first I felt guilty. Then I told myself again that it didn't matter if it was right or wrong, I feel the way I feel.

And I already feel a lot better. I got some Christmas shopping done, cleaned up my closet, did some other necessary housecleaning, and generally started to feel back in control of my life. I didn't answer the phone or call anybody. Yeah, I went kind of hermit.

Now I can get back in touch with those people who need someone to talk to and be a better friend to them, and all I've done is taken three days to myself. And I've realized I'm past the age where I should worry about what other people are going to say is right or wrong, but be in tune with how I feel and take care of that, without hurting or neglecting anybody else. I didn't run around telling all of these people, "Don't call me!! I'm stressed because of you!" or something equally asinine and untrue. I just kind of retreated. So nobody else got hurt because of what I decided to do.

But in the process, I think I learned to take a better look inward and respect that how I feel is how I feel, whether it feels right or wrong.