A Case of Being Too Fussy?

Since this has been on my mind lately, I thought it would be fun, enlightening and maybe a little frightening to list what it is I'm looking for in my perfect guy. Then you can tell me I'm being too fussy. Everybody inevitably does.

He must be a non-smoker. That's non-negotiable. I hate the way it smells and tastes. And why kill yourself a step at a time?

He must be a non-hunter. Another non-negotiable. Killing for fun, not my idea of a good time. Better yet, he should be an animal lover. That's too much a part of who I am.

Another non-negotiable - He must have a job. Or be in school to get a good job, not just in school to avoid working. And have a vehicle. And a place to live that does not involve his parents. In short, he's independent. He does not in any way have to be rich - I'd rather that he wasn't, I would never survive in that world - but my ideal guy (yes, perfect scenario) would have some cash and manage his money well, just so that we're not struggling (I've done that already, thanks). It would even better if he knew more about money than I do. At the very least, he's not an idiot with his money and is getting by. And he's not cheap. He tips well, and enjoys his money. He saves some and spends some, he doesn't hoard it.

I'm not particularly fussy over whether he's blond or brunet or what. (I'm into the tall, dark, and handsome look these days - Pastor Eric or Samuel Anders on my telly - but that's not a hard and fast rule.) I like a really nice friendly smile, though. A nice guy face.

I'm not saying he's got to be movie-star handsome. That's intimidating. Sure, it'd be swell if he was kind of good-looking without being pretty or arrogant. But good looking comes in a lot of forms. Nice guys get better and better looking the more you get to know them, while jerks get uglier. It's a fact. But I'm honest enough to say if I don't find him at least a little attractive, uh, I'm not going there. Sorry, it is what it is.

He doesn't have to be a six-pack stud - that's an ideal I can't live up to. But he's got to take care of himself to some degree. I'm not perfect physically and I don't expect anybody else to be either - not that it wouldn't be nice (she says with a knowing grin) but I'm not getting involved with a slob who doesn't give a crap about what he looks like or if he's taking care of himself - and by that I mean, not sitting around 24-7, never exercising at all, or doing anything physical. I'm not 100 pounds, but nor am I getting involved with anybody who is obese. It's another way of killing yourself slowly.

On the other hand, he doesn't mind my sloppy Saturdays and I don't mind his, where we schlup around in comfy pants and watch movies.

The perfect guy is just tall enough that when he hugs me, I fit in under his chin. And he gives good hugs.

He's got a good sense of humor without being a joker or a nut. He in no way needs to be the center of attention, and he doesn't belittle me for entertainment or play practical jokes for laughs.

He's very patient, especially with me.

He's calm and together without being smug, and isn't afraid sometimes to admit that he's angry or scared or unsure. I know a guy to whom everything is a piece of cake. It comes off as though he's just that much smarter than the rest of us, and it's annoying. I want someone who is human. Who has flaws. But I don't want a guy with a hair-trigger temper. Nor do I want someone who is impulsive. Spontaneous yes, but that's different. I'm too much of a thinker, so he's got to balance me out somewhat, but if he just makes decisions without considering his options or thinking about his choices, mistakes get made.

He's honest. Duh.

He treats me really well. But he doesn't try to idealize me or put me on a pedestal that I can't live up to. I don't need to be spoiled. I need to be treated like he finds me special and appreciates me. One guy I dated would spoil me if it looked good. I don't think it had anything to do with me.

He'll stick up for me if somebody is picking on me or harassing me. Not that that happens often, but you kind of want a guy who is going to tell another guy at the bar to lay off - and who is going to be just intimidating-looking enough to pull it off without starting a brawl or getting his ass handed to him on a platter.

He doesn't mind kids and he's good with them, but he doesn't want any. He's got a good family structure or wants one, without being disturbingly close to his mother. Or sister.

He's reasonably smart. He doesn't have to have a college degree necessarily but I want someone I can really talk to about abstract concepts and current events, as well as stupid stuff.

I would love it if he was a good cook, as I am not.

He wants to work at the relationship, to communicate, to work with me through my issues. He doesn't expect me to be perfect either, but he's got to be better at this than I am. I want to be better, I just don't have the experience.

He's not terribly religious. I'm not, and I don't see myself with someone who is.

He's socially liberal.

It would be great if he had some of the following interests: horse racing (uh, yeah), television, traveling, sports, music, creativity. He is in no way required to scrapbook. *grin* But he's got to support my varied hobbies and tastes.

He likes board games, or at least is willing to play. That's big with my family. He likes big noisy family gatherings and nights with friends as well as nights alone. Maybe he's not the most talkative person in the room, but he's easy-going, gets along with people, and best of all, likes the people I like.

Yeah, I'm asking a lot. But this is the ideal, remember. The perfect scenario. There are probably a million other things that I could specify too, I suppose, but well, this is what I've come up with now. What are your ideals?