My New Holiday Wish

Please, God, stop the madness! No more "Every Kiss begins with K" or "He went to Jared!" commercials! No more "beautiful diamond necklaces" and "half-carat engagement rings"! No more "Show her you love her all over again!" PLEASE, SOMEONE, MAKE IT STOP!!!

Aren't the holidays stressful enough? I have to buy presents for up to 20 people (counting friends and work), mail out well over 40 Christmas cards, put up and take down decorations, deal with my crazy great aunt (not killing her each year should earn each of us in the family a Nobel Peace Prize), travel in bad weather, cook, clean, wrap, unwrap, pack, unpack - do I need to be reminded that I am appallingly jewelry-free every time I turn on the television or the radio??

At the very least, can't there be an ad that says, "Just because you're single doesn't mean YOU don't deserve a rock the size of Gibraltar!"? How about, "Remember, her fancy new engagement ring also comes with obnoxious in-laws - buy yourself these diamond-stud earrings, free of baggage!"? Or "Wearing our diamond-drop necklace nestled right above your cleavage makes you the biggest hit at the office holiday party! Remind that obnoxious jerk in accounting exactly what he ISN'T getting for Christmas this year!"?

That does it. I'm going shopping. Dammit.

*collapses from rant exhaustion*