My New Word is Wanktard!

Thank you to 'Bones' for that little gem.

In other random thoughts...

Do you ever find yourself quoting 'Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure' whenever you pass a certain brand of convenience store? (Say it with me, kids: "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.")

I must stop having dreams with Wentworth Miller in them. Last night we blew up empty buildings. Then I went camping.

I will be really bummed if the sheep farmer on 9th Street ever sells his land. I like seeing the sheep. It's proof condos haven't claimed everything.

Creepy Man shaved his mustache. What makes him creepy, I've realized, is how he watches the car when I go by. Maybe he does it to everybody; I dunno. And now I don't have Harley Man or Ian living nearby! Harley Man could take Creepy Man, bum knee and all. Ian, eh, I dunno about that one. He's kinda skinny.

My crazy great aunt made my uncle sit out in the yard with a cane when she let the dog out 'to whack the other dogs that come into the yard.' My uncle was out there approximately 30 seconds before he came back into the house, saying he wasn't going to whack anybody.

Does anybody actually read this or am I, once again, talking to myself in public?

Your Early Guide to the BC Classic

I caught up with Saturday's Travers today after I got home from the family reunion and watched Bernardini (this year's Preakness winner) decimate a small field that included perennial bridesmaid Bluegrass Cat. So, if you're gearing up for the $5 million Breeders Cup Classic like I am (okay, maybe you're not), here's who you should watch:

Bernardini has been impressive all year. Although he's been facing small fields, he shows a nice stride and is relatively low key during saddling and the post parade. I have enjoyed watching him in this race and the Jim Dandy, and I'm curious to see if he can handle some of the other horses he may face in the BC Classic. He won this race by some seven lengths, the Jim Dandy by nine lengths and the Preakness by 5. So it's pretty clear he can be dominant.

Bluegrass Cat couldn't keep up with Bernardini in the Travers, even though he hung with him from the moment they left the gate. They found out this morning he's got a fracture in his right hind leg and has been retired, but the injury isn't life-threatening (although it may need surgery), and he'll get to do a lot of eating, sleeping and meeting girls. What a rotten life. ;-) But his absence from the BC Classic makes things a little more interesting.

Invasor has won three races in the States with real style, beating Sun King in the Whitney Handicap most recently after wins in the Suburban and Pimlico Special. (You should hear Kenny Mayne say this horse's name.) He's going to be overlooked by people who only watched the Triple Crown and the Travers, which is the biggest race of the fall for Classic distance horses until the Breeders Cup.

Lava Man has been consistantly ignored, which is odd, considering he's classy and has shown he can handle the tough races. He won the Pacific Classic a week or so ago, and in addition, he's racked up wins in the Hollywood Gold Cup, Santa Anita Handicap, and Sunshine Millions, among others. But he still doesn't get respect. I think he'll be overlooked at the betting window.

A horse you're not hearing much about is one called Discreet Cat. He's mostly been an enigma to US racing, but I'm hearing lots of good racing buzz about him. He won the UAE Derby (beating Invasor), skipped the KY Derby, and then got back into the action this weekend with an 11-length win at Saratoga. I haven't had a chance to look over his past performance index yet, but I'm going to be doing my homework on this one between now and November. (He'll race again in October too.)

A Note: Last year's BC Classic winner Saint Liam died this week after a freak injury at the farm where he stood at stud. There was nothing anyone could do to save him. He never got a chance to make the impact on the racing world that he should have.

On Another Note: Lost in the Fog is undergoing treatment, which is a change from when it sounded like he wouldn't get treated for his cancer. And Barbaro continues to do well. I'll keep you posted on both.

The Annual Family Reunion

So this weekend is the annual family reunion in Indiana. Many of you know of this as the weekend with the Crazy Great-Aunt, the family's closest thing to a 'black sheep.' Well, some black sheep get arrested or marry people half their age. Ours hugs you to her rapidly-sagging-but-still-hefty bosom, shouts in your ear because she refuses to wear her hearing-aid, and wants to know WHEN you're going to write that biography of her dearly-departed mother, and WHAT you think of the war in Iraq and the president, and WHAT you think of her latest rant to the newspaper (she's saved a copy and its usually religious in nature and rambling in style) and WHY somebody is doing something that is not God's work (take your pick on who the 'somebody' is).

Every year I promise myself I'm going to be nicer to her. And then ten minutes in, she's asked me one of those questions, usually at top volume, and I find myself gritting my teeth.

It's worse at mealtimes. She fills her mouth full of food and THEN wants to talk to you. My repeated admonitions of "Chew. Swallow. Then Speak" are treated with a hearty laugh (I've learned to protect my plate) and continued conversation, again usually at top volume. She wants to engage me in political discussions, and she pesters my aunt with questions about 'Izzy' which is what she calls my niece ('Izzy' to me is Mike and Jenn's cat). I hate to think what she's going to do when she realizes my brother and his girlfriend bought a house together. There could be more 'God' in the conversation that any of us would be comfortable with, even the Big Guy Upstairs.

This is the woman who once called me a traitor because I had a British flag hanging in my bedroom. She has raised a succession of dogs that are so poorly trained, I imagine not even Cesar Milan (The Dog Whisperer of National Geographic fame) would know what to do with her.

And yet we go to the reunion, knowing full well we'll have to do the cleaning the day before so the outside chairs are free of cobwebs and the inside chairs free of dust and dog hair (the dog is now kenneled after one unfortunate year in which a dog, now passed on, bit both me and my uncle). We'll scrub dirt and mold, check expiration dates on the mustard and ketchup in the fridge, find they're from last year, and force my aunt to go to the grocery store, where she will buy that mustard and ketchup using a check. Never mind the total is three bucks. A check it is. She once tried to buy a $1.50 sarsparilla at a city celebration with a check, much to my mother's horror. She had to intervene with the cash.

The kids (that being me, my brother and my two cousins, really 'kids' no longer) always find things to do, even to this day, when we ought to 'know better'. One year we scrubbed the bird baths with what turned out to be the vegetable brushes. Another year we kidnapped the macrame frog in the bathroom and held it for 'ransom', leaving clues throughout the yard for my aunt to follow. I had had to leave before that game was afoot, so, in the face of my aunt's considerably funny wrath, the other three blamed it all on me. Then there was the year (not long ago) where we found ourselves buying 'bling' from the grocery store quarter machines (instead of gumballs, you got dollar signs on a string) and we went back, turned our hats backwards, and paraded around with our plastic bling prominently displayed. I have the pictures to prove it. Another year we gave my aunt marker tattoos - I think they washed off but I'm not entirely sure how long it took.

And with one bathroom shared between eight or nine of us staying at the house, my aunt disappears in there for a long stretch at a time while the rest of us do the potty dance in the living room, or drive up to the CVS for their bathroom and the diversion of the magazine aisle.

But she's family, and we go with the best of intentions. How those intentions turn out is always the fun part. Stay tuned for that update later.

TV is Back!

With last night's season premiere of 'Prison Break' I am happy to report the Fall TV Season is underway! Granted, it's on early on Fox because Fox has baseball to contend with later in the fall. But at least we don't have to wait until late September to get into some of our favorite shows. I think 'Bones' is on next week! Whee!

That said, PB had a few holes - how the transition between the end of last season and the start of this season was actually handled is a big one. Last season the cons were steps from being captured, this season they're way ahead of their pursuers. Huh??? And (spoiler!) they decided to kill off Veronica? This show could use some tougher women on the right side of the law, actually, even though they didn't give her a great chance from the beginning. So we'll see what happens next week. I feel bad for Sucre; he's about to get shafted, and he's beginning to suspect it, but he's been so loyal to Scofield this whole time I feel bad he'll be on his own soon enough. Or will he? I expect the cons will be together for a while longer yet.

The bonus is the cons are now out of their prison grays and both Scofield and Lincoln are suited up, which, at least for this gal, is MUCH more appealing to view. Meow!

And PB did one thing right - seeing that 'Invasion' wouldn't be renewed they snapped up William Fichtner (apparently called 'Bill' on this show - potaytoe, potahtoe) as the person who is actually as smart as Scofield, unlike the belligerent Bellick. The Bellick/Fichtner scrum should be interesting to watch, since one is brains and one is testosterone, which equals out the Scofield/Lincoln dynamic.

Yes, I think too much about TV. There's a creative angle to it, I guess. That's my excuse anyway.

Lost in the Fog

I found out yesterday that champion sprinter Lost in the Fog has terminal cancer, a rarity among horses, I've since learned. He's back at home where he'll get pampered until he shows signs of being in pain, and then he'll be euthanized. I'm sorry to see this end for the horse - he was gutsy and he won something like 11 straight sprints leading up to the Breeders Cup Sprint last year, which he lost.

Anyway, the racing world will be much poorer without Lost in the Fog, and I'm sorry to see him go, but I'm happy at least that his last days will be spent in comfort, and that he won't suffer.

Barbaro Update: Some good news - Barbaro is going outside to graze about a half hour every day, and he is no longer in need of the sling to keep him comfortable and keep the weight off his hind legs. He's not out of the woods yet, but the video I've seen shows him acting like a perfectly normal horse - his ears forward, his eyes bright, tearing up the grass. I also hear they've cut back on the medication he needed early on. Some good racing news after the bad news above.

Movie Review - V For Vendetta

When it came to watching V for Vendetta, I found myself thinking that if Natalie Portman had shown this much emotion during the recent Star Wars movies, they might have been much better.

Portman plays Evey, a Londoner in a not-too-distant future, in which a totalitarian regime has taken control of everything, under the guise of 'protecting' its civilians (and if any of this sounds eerily familiar to the world we live in now, it should). This world persecutes anyone who is different, including homosexuals, and there are very few people of color who turn up on screen. Art is considered 'dangerous' and is hidden away, as is the Koran. Trucks stroll through city streets, listening in on conversations. Protesters simply disappear from their homes.

Evey is headed out to dinner one evening when she breaks curfew. She's attacked by men representing the regime who plan to rape her, but she's rescued by a mysterious man in a Guy Fawkes mask known only as 'V'. From there she's drawn, a step at a time, into his world and his goal. He wants to break the country free from this regime and reintroduce a little anarchy through violence, and as the movie progresses we see how he plans to do this and how he came to wear the mask in the first place. You can easily debate with your friends whether bloody violence is a worthy way to end such a regime or not; that's a good question.

After V has made his manifesto, he's tracked by Inspector Finch (Stephen Rea) and the Chancellor (John Hurt, needing Crest White Strips very badly). One of the most compelling parts of the film for me was watching Finch come to terms with what this regime has become and how it contributed to V's need for revenge.

Portman actually does quite a bit emotionally in this movie, although I'm beginning to see her as an actress whose emoting lacks - something. I wish I could say what it was, but I'm just not sure. I've liked quite a few of the movies she's done, and here she's asked to cover a lot of ground, but for a while now she hasn't entirely convinced me on-screen. Still, despite that, she does a worthy job here, especially in a late but pivotal scene with V (you'll know it because she's wearing orange, and that's all the spoiler I'll give). And if you're wondering how she looks with her head shaved, it actually works for her.

Hugo Weaving plays 'V' without benefit of facial expressions because he remains behind the mask the entire film and uses his fabulous voice to convey much more than you might imagine. (If you're wondering who Hugo Weaving is, all I have to say is 'Mr. Anderson?' and you should hear him speaking immediately. Or remember Elrond from the Lord of the Rings.) In supporting roles, Rea does well with his weary everyman approach, and Stephen Fry shows Evey the power of television, and the inevitable results.

I will be honest in displaying my preference for movies that take a poke at the current state of the world. You'll see at least one protest sign that mentions President Bush, and although it's quick, there are references to society as it's becoming for us now. In fact, the movie says the United States is in the middle of a civil war and hints it has become merely another Third World country, embroiled in its own battles and ravaged by disease. This is a cautionary tale, and it strikes close to home, even though the graphic novel, I'm told, was written in the early 80s. You need to pay close attention to follow the setup in the beginning, although by the very end the movie twists into an action flick, with a sword/gun fight that resembles a dance in the way it's filmed. I found the ending a little unsatisfying but the movie had to be ambitious, covering a lot of ground in a short time, so I don't recommend you try to watch this while playing Texas Hold 'Em. This film needs all your concentration.

Animal Trauma: None. Cute men with guns is another story altogether.

Overall: If you want to see a graphic novel adaptation, skip the cinematic crap we've been doused with the last few years (Sin City and Batman Begins being the exceptions), and watch this movie. Four roses out of five.

Movie/DVD Review - Crash

(I know I mentioned that I saw this a while ago, and I'm just now getting around to writing about it. Bear with me on Walk the Line, that will come later.)

If you haven't rented Crash yet, what exactly are you waiting for? Are you sure that like many Oscar Best Picture winners this movie will be so dry, so depressing, or so utterly confusing that it isn't worth your time? Trust me when I say you won't be sorry to rent this film. It's enthralling, easy to follow (essential with ensemble casts), and leaves us with some rays of hope at the end - some things not every Best Picture nominee or winner can ever promise. (I sat through 'Gosford Park' a nominee a few years ago. I still can't figure out what the hell was going on.)

What is racism, and who is racist? That's the essential question this movie asks, but it asks a lot of little questions. What makes a man strong and what makes a black man who he is? When is respect for the law necessary and when is it dangerous? What are we all carrying around with us that makes us prejudge people? What little moments betray us to others?

This is a movie with no good guys and no bad guys (the only exception being the little girl, who we can probably unequivocally argue is a good guy). Everyone (and I mean everyone) has their prejudices, their misconceptions, their problems, and best of all, their redemptions.

And we get so many questions. Why is Matt Dillon's cop such an ass? And what moment spurs him to see the world a little differently? (To me, it was one of the most powerful scenes in the movie, although a friend disagreed.) Is Terrance Howard waiting to be carjacked, or merely sitting and thinking? Did he do the right thing by his wife, Thandie Newton, or not? Did Sandra Bullock really see Larenz Tate and Ludacris coming toward her and thus take her husband's arm, or did she take his arm purely innocently? What's really going on with Brendan Frasier and Nona Gaye? (Another scene I almost missed, at the very end.) Who let down Don Cheadle - himself, or his family, or his society?

You must watch this movie carefully for its small moments, a stellar cast and some great acting. Fraser doesn't get to bombast like he should but Bullock is amazing taking the role of a bitter wife - maybe she should skip the crappy love stories and go for something heavier. The critics have been right about Ludacris; he CAN act, and I expect to see more of him in quality flicks in the future. Ryan Phillippe doesn't layer his character enough, but there are so many other fine performances that it doesn't really matter. Terrance Howard, Don Cheadle, Loretta Devine (I have loved her since "Waiting to Exhale") Bahar Soomekh, Jennifer Esposito - the list goes on. In fact, you pretty much get fabulous acting from nearly everyone in the cast - people you recognize and people you don't.

And everyone is intertwined in such a way that we recognize the effects we have on others. We're not islands, despite the legendary cliche. We run round and round and round with each other, and our prejudices affect other people, whether or not we're willing to admit they're there. The question is then, what are you carrying around with you, and why? And can you let go of it?

The movie does have some redeeming moments, which to me is essential - I personally do not like movies that end with everybody dying or ending up horribly depressed or ruined or something dreadful. There is hope in this film, if you look carefully for it. And that elevates the movie beyond the usual ensemble cast film.

Not too many extras on the DVD - I would have liked some lighter moments to balance out the gravitas of the film.

Animal Trauma: None, but there's enough people trauma (emotionally) to more than make up for it.

Overall: If you miss this you only have yourself to blame. Four and a half roses out of five.

If You Need A Good Laugh...

....you can always reflect on my dating life.

But if that's not working for you (and considering how old that joke is now, it probably isn't) I suggest tuning in to ABC Family to catch reruns of the American "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" I taped a bunch of those for giggles this week, and every episode I end up laughing so hard I'm in tears. (And not just because Ryan Stiles does things I remember seeing my brother do when I was growing up - oh, how I wish we could get the two of them on stage together! Throw in Neil Patrick Harris (Barney on How I Met Your Mother) and I would be in convulsions from laughter, and how much they all look alike, the entire time.)

And if you don't ask yourself at least once an episode "they're showing THIS on ABC FAMILY???" I'd be surprised. Some of it isn't as family-friendly as it is effing hilarious.

Just thought I'd share that little bit o' sunshine with you. Now I'm just waiting for the antihistimines to wear off so I can return to normal.

Horse-racing Tip of the Day: I've been watching the progess of a horse named Invasor over the last several weeks - he's from someplace like Uruguay, and he's had three wins in the US, beating horses like the highly touted Flower Alley, and the 'I can't believe he can actually run, but he can!' Sun King. Watch this horse if he makes it to the Breeders' Cup Classic. He's tough and he's good. He made Flower Alley look like a maiden (non-winner) in their last race, and that's saying something.

There's a Handbasket with My Name On It

The day after the previous post took place, I had to (politely) tell two Jehovah's Witnesses to shove off.

I am SO going to hell.

What is Instinct, and What is Prejudice?

I'm asking myself that question this evening after an unusual encounter, and I'm interested to hear what you think.

I was pulling into the driveway of a friend's house to cat-sit this evening when I saw a woman walking along the side of the road. She was African-American, slightly heavyset and probably around 40. I gave her a quick smile - the kind you give other drivers at a 4-way stop. Then I pulled up the driveway, parked the car behind the house and got out of the car.

Then I see this woman walking up the driveway, asking me, "Are you from around here?" I say "no," thinking she's going to ask a question about the neighborhood - perhaps to locate a house or a business - but I do find it odd she's just walked up the driveway without invitation. (The neighbors, an unusual bunch but generally friendly, are out on their deck talking and are within sight and earshot, so I feel relatively safe. Had they not been there, I would have been much more on edge if a stranger approached me.)

The woman starts in on a tale about how she's been walking around for two days since her mother died. I don't even let her finish to get to whatever it is she wants, since I sense a request coming; I suggest she go downtown to the train station area, since I think she's asking for transportation. She says she's been down there and they can't help her. I see she's wearing a white t-shirt, backwards and inside out, but she doesn't look entirely unkempt. I suggest she go downtown to Ministry with Community. She says she's been there and a woman named Judy Mingus told her there was no funding left.

Now, I know Judy Marcusse Mann who runs Ministry with Community, and although I know funding is usually a problem at her organization, I'm torn by the idea that this woman could have talked to Judy, since she knows her name (or close anyway), and by the feeling that if this woman was in such dire straits as she claims, Judy would find her assistance (and perhaps she knows Judy from past visits to Ministry). So I interrupt her in a firm voice and tell her, no, Ministry with Community would help her if she desperately needed help and there's also the Gospel Mission downtown too, as well as several other places. At this point, she gives up and heads down the driveway again.

I go into the house and then a few minutes later I go out through the front door to get the mail, and I see her walking by again from the other direction - meaning she didn't go back downtown as I directed her, but walked up the street further (which doesn't get you any more houses).

So here's what bothers me about the encounter. Was it my instincts that told me she was telling me a fairy tale? Or was it a form of prejudice? And what was it that made me suggest the train station, Ministry with Community and the Gospel Mission, all sites for poor people, many of whom are African-American? (I've been there, so I know what the population is like.)

I asked myself, as I went through the house feeding the fish and petting the cats, that had she been white, would I still have reacted the way I did? I'm pretty sure I would have (had the person been male of any race, I expect I would have had my cell phone out in seconds). I also have to admit the last several times I've been 'panhandled' for lack of a better word, the person has been black.

Now I'm not making any statements, blanket or otherwise, about African-Americans, and most of you know me well enough to know that's not how I live my life. But to NOT question something just because someone is African-American, is taking PC to the extreme.

This same friend of mine and I were discussing instinct the other day, and she said not enough people trust theirs, and I agreed. I was telling her about a guy who lives in my complex. He's white, probably around 45, tall and skinny with a dark mustache, usually wearing a short sleeved button down shirt and jeans, and he's always in the road smoking a cigarette. If I don't see him four or five times a week, that's unusual. And there's something about this guy that gives me the creeps. I can't explain it. He hasn't done anything particularly odd, unless you count the fact that he comes out into the road to smoke a cigarette instead of using his balcony or patio. But there's something about him that causes me to avoid eye contact with him when I drive by. In fact, I've taken to going the other way around to my apartment if I spot him out in the road. I don't know why. I mean, maybe you've met my neighbor Harley Man. The guy's straight from central casting in the biker man role, and I'm not the least afraid of him. (The yorkie pup he and his wife have has a lot to do with that. You can't be afraid of a guy who carts around a two-pound dog.)

So when am I trusting my instincts, and when am I making a rush judgment? Tonight I lingered around the friend's house for several minutes (all I needed to do was feed the fish and make sure the cats had plenty of water and the house wasn't too warm, and all was well, so I didn't need to stay - I'd checked on them extensively earlier in the day), and when I went out again I looked around carefully, and I didn't see the woman at all. The neighbors know the homeowner and are friendly to her, they've chatted with me briefly, and the house has various lights on, so I felt reasonably safe leaving the house. But I'm still a shade nervous and won't be relieved until I go back in the morning to be extra extra sure all is well.

And is that a racist attitude? To assume somebody might break in? I lock my car in my parents' driveway in the middle of Caucasian Howell, so I think that's more of my safety concerns than racism (too many episodes of Cold Case Files and Forensic Files). But I have to tell you, I felt guilt for shoving that woman off abruptly without even asking her specifically what she wanted - even when my instinct told me she wasn't in the kind of need she expressed. Also, I always try to be nice to people, and so being deliberately curt is difficult for me, and usually induces guilt.

I think of myself as pretty open-minded, although I have my blind spots (and they tend to do more with things other than race - like money, for example, I'll be honest), and after having seen 'Crash' not too long ago, it's on my mind. I'm honest enough to recognize those spots. But right now I'm trying to convince myself that instinct is there for a reason, and I should recognize it for what it's telling me - and trust that, instead of questioning my behavior.

Cars and Horses

So I have a lot of racing on the brain these days.

I caught Saturday's Jim Dandy (horse race) and watched Bernardini blow the doors off the rest of the field, an appropriate turn of phrase because I found out he's named after some European race car driver. He was only facing half a dozen competitors, but he got a hand ride all the way to the finish line - which basically means the jockey didn't pull out his whip. More than that, the jockey didn't even push him that hard; if you see a replay of the race and watch his hands, you can tell Bernardini is coasting. You might remember Bernarndini won the Preakness this year after Barbaro's ill-fated step. He's been overlooked, but I'm impressed.

Speaking of Barbaro, he's doing well - still eating well, still in a sling, and last I heard, he had started to grow some hoof back on the foot that got laminitis. So there's still hope. Keep your fingers crossed!

The point of that is, Bernardini, if he stays healthy, is a big threat for the Travers at the end of the month and November 4th's Breeders Cup. I'm gonna be watching the BC so if you're around and want a day full of races, you're welcome to come over.

I've also watched some auto racing over the last few days. Danica Patrick signed with Andretti Green racing for next season, which surprised me, since Bobby Rahal and David Letterman did so much to get her this far BUT rumor has it, Bobby has been spending a lot more time with his son Graham, getting him ready to run, and so a little owner neglect may be behind the move. I don't know more than that. Anybody else hear anything different?

She did however throw a rather unattractive hissy fit at the end of the MIS race, complete with foot-stomping. I know the male drivers do it a lot, and it's never charming. She got it together enough for the interview, but anyway, it would have been nice if the TV crews had stopped following her down the track and focused on the guy who actually won the race, Helio Castroneves, especially since he's fun and climbs the fence after he wins. (Sorry Tony Stewart, he just does it better than you.)

Speaking of auto racing, my mom and I got into a big discussion about the future of open wheel racing. TONY GEORGE, SUCK IT UP AND COMBINE THE LEAGUES. Tony owns and runs the Indianapolis Motor Speedway and his big thing was to create a league that would be All-American and allow new drivers the opportunity to get behind the wheel, and the owners disagreed, so that's why there are two similar open-wheel leagues.

What has he actually done? He's created two mediocre leagues, neither of which is All-American, and both of which are suffering to come up with 20 drivers in a race. He couldn't even get 33 drivers into the Indy 500 without bringing in drivers from the other league and calling up retirees like Michael Andretti and Al Unser Jr (known as Little Al in our family, although 'little' he isn't). That makes Bump Day a virtual joke because there's nobody to bump!

When I can watch 43 go bumper-to-bumper in NASCAR, I can see why people bail on open-wheel. And here's another twist - some NASCAR fans say they like the league because its All-American, but with Juan Pablo Montoya headed there next year, NOBODY is going to be 'All-American' - whatever that means, since most of these guys live in the States now, regardless of where they started out. And if we're not a nation of immigrants, I don't know what we are. If you want to be technical, the only All-Americans in this nation are the Native Americans because they were here a lot longer than the rest of us. The rest of us are immigrants, it's that simple.

That's my car-racing rant of the day. I still haven't picked a full-time NASCAR driver, and I probably should, before my mother or my aunt assign me one. I have two in IRL (Scott Sharp and Danica Patrick), one in Champ Car (Katherine Legge, I always try to root for the gals), at least one who dropped off the face of the earth (Patrick Carpentier), and one NASCAR guy who sometimes runs and sometimes doesn't (Terry Labonte). Yes, kids, this is the story of my life!